Cringe Is The Cost

I’ve been reading (and thinking) a lot about ‘skill’ recently - because I generally think that seeing all of our problems as a skill issue, whether that’s true or not - is a useful frame.

It leans on Jocko Willink’s ‘Extreme Ownership’ idea, that it’s better if we own the problem rather than blaming external forces.

One thing that I think is really hard to do is a proper appraisal of your own skills

I think there’s a number of interesting social dynamics that make it hard for us to name what we’re really good at

For example, there’s a self-deprecation tax

You can only safely claim a strength if you frame it as a flaw - ‘I care too much’, ‘I’m a people pleaser’, ‘I over think everything’

These are power-adjacent skills, smuggled in as a confession of weakness. Because ‘I read people quickly and accurately’ or ‘I think clearer than others under pressure’

Sometimes we also people please through the skills that we announce

To identify as a great people pleaser, is in itself - a people pleasing move.

To pick safe, inoffensive skills to advertise. Acceptable skills to claim are really just ‘skills that prove I’m not a threat’

This is a challenge, because honest skill appraisal is essential for a business owner - to know what they’re good at and should be weaponising to help people, but also to know what skills to work on

So I think the first step is to do a really honest appraisal of your own skill set, without any filter or external validation.

And if this feels hard - it can be helpful to remember ‘No skill is pure upside’ - Every skill and trait has its trade-off, doesn’t it?

For example, I would be confident in my ability as a lateral thinker - I believe I think differently to other people, I see patterns, systems and opportunities that others might not.

That’s been a big strength for me - but it does mean I’m underpowered when it comes to execution. I’m very good at the initial stages, not as good at following through on tasks.

For others - they might be excellent at communicating practical knowledge, at the expense of not being the most academic

Or great at grabbing and keeping attention in a short-form medium, but without much to offer long-form.

Regardless of what the skill is - the key thing to diagnose?

Is that the honest appraisal of your skills comes when you flinch a bit when you say it.

If ‘I’m a great X’ makes you cringe to write, then that thing is probably your edge

The cringe is the cost of realising that you’re great at it, not a signal that you aren’t.

What are you good at? If it feels awkward to tell me, it’s probably that.