Don't Stop Comparing To Others

I want to take a different topic today and speak about comparison to other coaches on social media. Probably the worst advice that anyone can give you is don’t compare.

It’s up there with don’t eat, sleep and breathe as things that you shouldn’t do except it’s literally what you’re going to do as a human being

But the thing I want to push back on today is a reason why people say not to compare to other people on social media. The same line that we always hear is

Social media is just a highlight reel

I don’t think this is true and I think there’s a really subtle difference it’s important to notice

Social media isn’t a highlight reel. It is a curated reel of perceived highlights, not someone’s actual highlights.

That is to say that it doesn’t actually capture the things that people would actually say are their highlights

For most people, their social media is all of their wins, all of the holidays they go on, or for some people the time driving a fancy car or going to Dubai for things.

Because that is what they perceive as what people want from a highlight

Actual highlights for people are things like the moment that your kid laughs at you because you joke about things that only the two of you will laugh at, or you are rereading a book that you really enjoyed the first time around, or even five minutes in the car before you go in the gym because it’s a bit of peace and quiet for you in a busy day

Most people’s curated highlights don’t involve any of those things. So their feed becomes a sequence of second-order highlights, things that they’ve staged because they thought you would nod at them. And the longer you scroll, the more your sense of what counts as a real highlight drifts towards this second-order version.

Naturally, when we think about what other people would perceive as a highlight, we also think about what would be perceived as a failure. So we curate things that we are maybe really proud of, but would be seen as a failure by other people, and therefore don’t post those. Then the person on the other side never sees anything other than curated highlights.

So stop trying to ‘not compare’ - you will compare, you’re a human

The fix is to notice what you’re comparing to - you’re holding your peaceful Friday evening with their curated one - and convincing yourself that their version is what you should ‘want’ - when their real highlight would be your Friday evening, not the one they’re having for Insta

If you want to compare, at least compare like for like

Your feed doesn’t contain your best moments - neither does theirs

The thing you should protect isn’t your ability to stop comparing, it’s your sense of what a real highlight actually is