Silence Can Go Either Way

Coaches treat silent clients differently

One might send a voice note ‘Just checking in. Thought I’d see how you’re getting on?’

The other one would sit on their hands and assume that if things are quiet, the person is probably fine, else they’d ask for help.

It interests me how they’ve both essentially done the same thing. They’ve interpreted a blank from someone and got an answer out of it.

I wrote a piece a while back saying the check-in is usually insurance.

Coaches send it to manage your own anxiety about whether they’re earning the fee, and they bank the ‘thanks’ as a defence in case they leave later.

I still think that’s right.

But I think it only speaks to our ability to tolerate silence from clients rather than thinking about how to read it.

Silence can get produced by opposite states.

A client might think really hard but stop logging because measuring things every week was making them worse and the plan wasn’t really fitting their life

Another client might just not care all that much

They’d both show up in the same way - a blank.

‘Adherence’ would read that blank as disengaged

Silence carries no reliable information in either direction

Not good news, not bad news - unread.

Unread isn’t the same as unknowable, however

You can’t detect an absence without a model of what should be there.

Which means open communication with clients earlier in the programme

‘When things are going well for you, what does that look like from my side. And what about when things aren’t going well?’

Some people go quiet when they’re winning, some go quiet when they’re drowning